The burden in my heart..

I can still remember the first time I knew I wanted to be a mom. I remember that silly young girl, not yet 19. I had been married for almost a year. It was a beautiful Saturday and we were at church. I should have been listening to the pastor, but I texted Jonathan this "I want to have a baby". After a talk on the short ride home, I threw out my birth control that day. We always seem to make major life decisions quickly. We always just dive right in. I got pregnant a few months later. What a ride it has been! My sweet pea didn't stay a baby for very long. I can't believe she will be four in just three short months. We are really starting to think about school now that she's getting older. Jonathan and I both grew up being homeschooled. We both did very well in college, though I chose to not finish my degree. We both believe very strongly in home school. Even with these opinions and beliefs, I have been struggling for awhile. I feel so burdened to stay home with my children and teach them, yet I feel so overwhelmed. I love them so much. Though somedays I find myself day dreaming of a career and of finishing my degree. I feel so ill equipped and incapable of educating them. Jonathan and I had the privilege of going to a Homeschool book fair, this past Friday. The lectures were amazing! I felt so inspired! Somehow, I find myself overwhelmed and discouraged again already. We haven't even started yet. We bought a curriculum. There was so much to choose from. We get home and not even two days later I'm second guessing our choices. I keep reminding myself she'll only be four. I need to just relax and take baby steps. She's a very gifted child and we're starting her with kindergarten curriculum. Everything that matched her age seemed that it would bore her. She already knew it. I don't want to rush her or push her too much, but I don't want to bore her to death either. I keep reminding myself we can always repeat again the next year, but I'm fairly certain she is going to flourish. In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive. I love being a mother. If there is one thing I've learned, in my three years and 81/2 months of parenting, it's that I over worry. Everything all works out in it's own time. I am capable of teaching her. We are going to succeed at this. No one ever said being a parent would be easy.